A month ago, I certainly did not think that I would be contemplating and now writing a eulogy for my daughter, Heather Judith Carey Palmer. She was born 46 years ago, and for that fact and the fact that her birth mother had the strength to bring her into this world, Maureen and I are forever grateful. More on that later in this story of the “Love of Our Lives”. I would like to tell everyone listening, I do not expect to make it through this without breaking down, so bear with me.
There is no one outside of Maureen and I who have lived with Heather longer! Wayne has many years with her and he certainly knows her in only the way a spouse can know and love one’s spouse. Her kids know her for only the time they have been on this earth, each moment and minute precious to them and certainly to her and Wayne. I hope that they treasure, and I know they will, each of the years that they got to know, love and respect their mom. Each of the kids were so special to Heather, you each made every living moment for Heather so, so special. Oh yes, I am also thinking that you have each made a few choices that brought a heavy heart to Heather and Wayne, but I also know that the special people that you have turned out to be, brought so, so, so much joy to them. I am sure that the future will bring more of the same, and your Mom will be enjoying those special moments from Heaven, with your Dad filling in for her, here on earth. She would want you to aspire to be all you can be, in that, that is exactly what she did, and she would be extremely disappointed if you did not do that also. You are surrounded by so many friends and relatives that are here for you. That is what family and the village is for! Look at how many are here for Heather, well, they are all here for you and your Dad too!
Where do I start? We are talking of the many facets of a true gem! Pick whichever gem you love best. Another analogy is to think of a caterpillar to the most beautiful butterfly in the world. Use your own imagination for the colors of this butterfly. And then let her fly. Indulge me with a bit of time, for trying to do Heather justice with words is impossible to do. I have already sliced and diced this eulogy much too much.
From the beginning! Bringing home Heather from the hospital, after finishing a late rush to paint her room at our house, we brought in Winnie the Pooh as our major theme for that room. I am sure that Maureen and I did not really realize what we had just signed up for. Do any parents when they come home with their 1st child! We spent a couple of years in Reseda, CA, and then moved to Camarillo, where we spent the next 31 years. This time was definitely the formation years for Heather. Maureen found a preschool just on the outskirts of town, on the airport property, where we encountered some very good and life long friends, that have interfaced with our family for over 4 decades, and actually still do, some of whom are listening today. The Keever’s, Graf’s, Loll’s and Riggio’s were the primary base of these families. It did however extend too many, many more families as the years went by. Our kids have known each other forever, having shared so many milestones. I am sure that they are mourning Heather’s passing, as much as we are. So many sharings of births, graduations, weddings, grandkids and all things fun. The vacations of this crowd are the most vivid for all of us though. The Keever’s, Graf’s and Carey’s went into a partnership for a week long houseboat vacation at Lake Powell for nearly 15 years. Before that occurred, there was our first outing to Lake Powell, where eight (8) families rented 3 houseboats and shared the most rambunctious time together! Heather and the other daughters of the families involved were just approaching or in early teenage years. Tim Graf was the only young man in this group. Not sure if he enjoyed it or not, but he was the hit of the young girls. Carlos was our unofficial cruise director, getting all kids to their early morning workouts on the top of the 3 houseboats. So, so many memories.
The next area of Heather’s upbringing was her Carey family. It included an extended group, starting with my three brothers, Chuck, Mike and Gordy. Also included Maureen’s sister, Judy. Obviously, it was headed by Nana and Poppy, with Grandma Agnes on the other side. All of the children of this group were particularly close. While we did not see one another often, we did have two particular yearly get together’s that never seemed to fail to get one and all together. The first was our annual 4th of July party at Nana and Poppy’s. This started with only the families of Gordon and Charles, twin brothers, but then expanded to include just about everyone. My parents hosted it for over 30 years, with then Gordy and Tracy took on this responsibility. We had many a battle on the ping pong table and even more so in the pool. Does anyone remember Dibble Dabble! This is where a toothpick was placed in deep end of the pool, then everyone went after it when it broke the surface. I am surprised that no one ever got hurt from that game.
Then of course we had the Carey Christmas gatherings. This started out with Nana and Poppy hosting and then rotating between the brother’s homes. Breathtaking that we did this for as long as we did. Great family fellowship. Does anyone remember Nana’s motherlies!
All of the above were especially important events in Heather’s life, thank you all for that!
When Heather started 4th grade, we put her into the public school in town, taking her out of the Catholic school she had attended. Heather happens to be a bit head strong, which I am sure that many, if not all of you, realize! That however does not always sit well with your peers, especially new ones. She was bullied by a lot of her classmates, and for those who have had to endure that, it can be the most cruel thing that a young person ever encounters. I would ask any of the kids sitting here today or hearing this, please step up against anyone who you see bullying another student. It will make you the strongest kid in the school! Plus gain the friendship of that person and many more.
Heather always loved softball growing up. Her initial tryouts, in the 4th grade, brought astonishment from the coaches watching, where only Mickey Meghan could be called her equal. That said everything, for Mickey played against boys up till then and was always the best player on her teams. I was allowed to coach her for one year, when she was in the 6th grade. She wanted to be a pitcher, and who was I to deny her that opportunity. Her strength was not her pin point accuracy, but she definitely got immediate respect from the batter and the other team after she released that 1st pitch.
Heather went to La Reina, a catholic all girls school, just up the hill in Thousand Oaks. Even there she was the contrarian. She fit in with many groups, but seemingly making other groups upset because “Heather was just Heather”. She again excelled in softball, with one of her assistant coaches taking her under his wing. His daughter was the star pitcher for the team and Heather really flowered under his assistance. As a freshman she was pushed into service to pitch the 2nd game of a doubleheader with a varsity team much stronger than La Reina’s. They beat our varsity soundly in the 1st game, and then Heather had the game of her life. If you remember my comment about wildness, she was just that in the 2nd game and pitched a no hitter! Many, many walks, but kept the hitters off balance all game.
Can’t say that high school went off without any hitches, but she survived. Enough said! As she approached graduation, she struggled with what she wanted to do with her life and where she wanted to go to college. To make a long story short, she took off a year before matriculating to Cal Lutheran in Thousand Oaks. This was the best of both worlds, in that Heather went away to school, but it was only 30 minutes away. She met many new friends, and seemed to be in a very good place. Now it must be noted, Heather was always brilliant when it came to school work. She never studied, as in normal study, but always got A’s. It frustrated Maureen and me, but so be it. She had a memory that was unbelievable. What she took in never left her! I too had some input with Heather, in that she had to put up with my constant talking about sports and watching it. Again, remember her memory and brilliance. She obviously retained all of my banter, and when she entered college, her outgoing personality, along with her knowledge of the sport world, made her an instant hit with the jocks, both girls and boys. She did resume her softball love affair.
At that point, and even through the rest of her life, her appearance was not the most important thing to her. Oh sure, at work at the hospital she dressed appropriately and professionally. But when she put her mind to it, she could be the most beautiful person in the room. Think Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman! Red dress and million dollar neckless. She had her first encounter with love at college. Sorry Wayne, you came later. Paul Tapp was that guy. She ended up going to Australia for the last part of her junior year, where she roomed with Paul and his roommate, each pro basketball players with the local Australian team. They were recruited from the Cal Lutheran team. I will never forget her need to tell her college softball coach that she would not be able to play her junior year, and WHY! She did come back, play a final year of softball and graduate, and then again faced her next decision
She tested the water by going to law school and bartending for a couple of years. She then went to work for Spectrum, an upscale gym, in Thousand Oaks. She started in the accounting office, tormenting her co-workers as often as not, for she obviously knew how to run the office better than her manager and other long time workers there. That brought her into the General Manager’s office for counseling. Guess who that person was? Yes, Wayne Palmer! Obviously, they had a connection. We will get to the results of this connection shortly. Wayne was and still is a very strong minded individual, but he has confessed to me that at that time he had met his match. Remember, Heather was always the smartest person in the room. These are Wayne’s words.
So, after living together, having a couple of kids, Braedon and Bryce, they decided to actually tie the knot. They had a beautiful wedding, again in Camarillo, where Heather grew up. Now, for those who don’t know the full back story, Wayne married his high school sweetheart, Desi, out of high school, and they had Zachary. They then divorced. When Desi needed to move to California to tend to her Dad, that prompted Wayne to move there also. Where Zachary goes, so went Dad. That was the start of Heather and Wayne getting together. When they decided to marry, Maureen was working with our parish wedding co-ordinator, and had to tell her that there was going to be a different dynamic to this wedding. The co-ordinator said she had been doing this for 20 years, and bet her a lunch that she could not tell her anything that she had not already encountered. Okay, Maureen said, Heather was having Wayne’s ex-wife be in her bridal party as a bridesmaid! Bet Won. Heather and Desi were best friends ever since. This finishes the California saga!
Next they moved to Odessa, since Wayne never lost his love for this town. They had 2 kids in tow and a 3rd on the way. They moved into their 1st house in 2004. Wayne was working out of town on concrete assignments, with Heather trying to figure out how to work, choose a new career and then proceed with her academic needs to reach those goals, along with balancing 3 kids now. Maureen spent many weeks here, and summers to assist with kid needs. Then in early 2006, a number of events converged to allow Heather to finish her Nursing degree at William Jewell. After six (yes 6) direct hits to Maureen and my lives from God in Camarillo, we made the decision to move back to be with Heather, Wayne and the kids. Our lives were changed forever by this move, and I believe I can say that Heather’s and Wayne’s lives were changed also. If you have read Heather’s obituary, you will note that after 2007, Heather become a nurse at Centerpoint, and her career ascended rapidly. I know we have many friends and peers here from HCA, the hospital group Heather dedicated her life to. I can tell you, she enjoyed every moment of her career with all of you. I know she gave you each her unconditional love, but also expected back from you, yours! Your presence here says it all! I regret that Heather did not get to fulfill her dreams with reference to her career with HCA. She really dreamed big!
Now we are reaching the real focal point of Heather’s life. She and Wayne I believe have been together for nearly 23 years. It is this 23 year cycle that completed Heather, and I believe did the same for Wayne. They started with a plus, Zach being shared with Desi in California, and then came Braedon, Bryce, Zane and Isabella. Each of these young adults now have flourished under mom and dad’s care and love. Heather and Wayne have expected much from their kids, and I know that each child knows that. And they have not disappointed! Guess what? This is not going to change just because Heather is not physically here. She is going to be here in her own way, looking down at you and enjoying your future with each of you. Anytime you are down, just look up and talk to Heather, for she is there for you.
Now I would be remiss to not mention the many, many friends she has treasured over these past 16 years in Odessa. The times you have consoled each other and the times you have exalted each other and your kids, is a blessing that can’t be described. You have to have experienced it! Odessa does it better than most! Last but not least, as some of you know, Heather is adopted. About 6 years ago, she had the chance to meet her biological family. After some sole searching, she decided to do so. That family is here today, and we know they are grieving as much as we are.
Heather and her sister Nicole had the opportunity to meet and Nicole and her family have subsequently move back to Odessa. They created a closeness that we never expected that Heather would have. We love you guys.
So now it is time to say goodbye. I have taken up many minutes, but I would like to close with the reading of a poem that I found that just summarizes today perfectly.
Please don’t be sad, I miss you so much too.
It’s beautiful here where I am, but I worry a lot about you.
I sleep with angels watching me, there’s only love up here. . .
I’m never lonely or afraid, because God’s so very near.
I see Jesus every day, He’s very kind and true.
I never have any pain, I laugh and sing a lot and I hear you when you pray.
Please don’t be mad at God you see, He loves me too.
And even though you’re not with me, I’m really still with you.
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